Avoiding the Practice
In Pietra Ligure, Italy. July 2025.
2025 has been a hard year, in a lot of ways, both professionally and personally. As a yoga teacher and practitioner, that can look one of (at least) two ways: dive deep into the practice or avoid the practice. Normally, I have chosen the former. Which is a good option to stay grounded, as long as it doesn’t get into the realm of “spiritual bypassing” – using the practice and lessons contained within as an excuse to avoid hard feelings/choices/actions. This time, however, it appears I chose to avoid the practice. At first it was out of busyness (total excuse), then out of fatigue, then just not a priority. But when I look at this, I know that subconsciously, it was all a protective mechanism: don’t go deep within because it may be too much to handle.
I am sure I am not the first and will not be the last to experience this. That my yoga practice has been so strong for so many years, and that I have advanced philosophical education in the field, and having had some space away from home and the challenges of this past year, I can see all of this now. As with many things in life, awareness that this is at play for me is the first step in changing course. Just writing this now, I feel a lightness that I didn’t have 20 minutes and one double espresso ago.
I have been kind of beating myself up this summer about not doing some of the things that make me really feel like me, specifically running and doing yoga. These give me the endorphins and alone time that bring clarity and peace while reducing stress. Perimenopause has not been kind to my hips and knees and I haven’t really been able to run for more than 6 months. Add to that the exhaustion of travel challenges and heat and humidity of the summer – it’s not been ideal. We already covered what’s up with not doing yoga. But, what if that space from those activities is exactly what I needed? What if endorphin bypassing is a thing (I know it is, but I think I just made up that terminology?) – engaging in exercise too much so as to avoid feeling what needs to be felt and dealing with things? And let’s be honest, if my body says no running right now, I can’t make it do that and be able to keep going with everything that requires my attention (kids and heavy suitcases).
I am not enough. Not enough to do the yoga school proud. Not in good enough shape. Not worthy enough of becoming successful. Not interesting enough. Not a good enough yoga teacher to have both online classes/courses and in-person classes and retreats too. Not enough.
That’s what I have been avoiding dealing with and thus avoiding my practice. I know it, I see it now. It’s a story, a lie. Stories like this stress us out and if we don’t recognize them as such, they take over and present themselves as the truth. The practice reveals these stories, and that awareness helps bring our power back to our real self, and takes it away from these lies. Coming back to the practice with consistency means doing the hard work – not just physically but spiritually, or emotionally if that lands better. But it’s worth it. The breath, the movement, the stillness, the tears – they are all there within the practice, to help us come back home to the self; a stronger self each time.
And it is time.
When I don’t practice, I can’t teach. Yoga teachers who keep going when they stop practicing are going through the motions, not teaching from a place of authenticity. I suck at that. Time to come back to my practice for myself, and then to helping guide you through yours.
