When Stress Becomes Your Default: Creating Space to Choose Your Response
(Part 2 of a two-part series on nervous system regulation)
Last week, I wrote about what a Bills game, a kids’ soccer match, and a stressful workday have in common: the way our bodies respond when something gets us activated.
But what happens when that feeling follows you through your day? When the game ends or the workday is over, and you’re still tense, impatient, or unable to settle?
That’s where the conversation moves from an occasional stressful moment to the stress we carry day after day.
Your body responds to stress
The stress response is a normal part of being human. When you encounter a challenge or threat, your body prepares to act. Stress hormones are released, and your heart rate and breathing can increase.
That response can be useful. But when stress is ongoing, it can contribute to problems such as headaches, digestive symptoms, and disrupted sleep. (nccih.nih.gov)
And everyday life doesn’t always offer a clear stopping point.
There’s another email. Another schedule change. Another person who needs something. You finish one task while mentally starting the next.
You may get through everything on your list without ever checking in with yourself.
Am I clenching my jaw? Have I been holding my breath? Do I need a break before I answer that question?
When stress becomes your everyday backdrop, you may feel like you’re being pulled to and fro by the tide—whatever happens around you determines what happens within you. Someone else’s urgency, a change of plans, or a frustrating conversation sets your direction.
That’s how dysregulation can show up in everyday life: you’re overwhelmed, on edge, or disconnected, and responding on autopilot before you’ve had a chance to notice what you need.
Regulation helps you find your footing. You can notice the pull, pause, and choose your next step with more intention.
What I mean by “regulate yourself”
When I talk about nervous system regulation, I’m talking about developing the ability to notice your state and use practices that help you respond to what you need.
Sometimes that might mean settling down. Sometimes it might mean gentle movement when you feel flat or disconnected. Sometimes it means recognizing that you need rest, support, or a boundary.
The purpose is to have more choice.
To notice tension before it turns into a sharp reply. To recognize overwhelm before you agree to one more thing. To pause long enough to ask:
How do I want to show up here?
You can feel frustrated and still choose your next words. You can care deeply about something and give yourself a moment before acting.
Why I teach through the body
Knowing you’re stressed doesn’t necessarily help you settle. I’ve had plenty of moments when I understood exactly what was happening and still struggled to respond differently.
That’s why my teaching includes movement, breathing, rest, and paying attention to physical sensations.
Research suggests that yoga may help with stress management and well-being. Relaxation practices can also encourage the body’s relaxation response, which includes slower breathing and a slower heart rate. (nccih.nih.gov, nccih.nih.gov)
In practice, this can be simple: noticing the support beneath your feet, moving your shoulders gently, or resting with your body supported.
When I use the word somatic, I mean paying attention to your experience from within. Rather than focusing only on how a movement looks, you notice how it feels—and adjust accordingly.
Start with one small check-in
Before your next transition—from work to home, from the car to the soccer field, or from the day into bedtime—try this:
Notice: What can you feel in your body right now?
Support: Choose something comfortable: feel your feet on the floor, move gently, or take a few easy breaths.
Choose: Ask yourself, “What do I need, and how do I want to respond?”
Keep it small. There’s no particular feeling you have to achieve. If focusing on your breath feels uncomfortable, you can look around the room or notice the support of your chair instead.
The check-in itself is an opportunity to interrupt autopilot.
Bring the practice into everyday life
My own experience of chronic stress and health challenges has made this work deeply personal. It has also shaped what I want to offer: accessible ways to reconnect with yourself in the middle of a full life.
Practices are one part of that support. We also need rest, help, boundaries, and care for our health.
This is the intention behind 25-Minute Mornings: short yoga and somatic practices that give you time to notice, move, breathe, and rest—and take that awareness into the rest of your day.
Because the shift I care about is what happens beyond the mat: having a little more space to choose how you show up. Using the tools you know (or can learn) to live life better.
